Friday, February 24, 2006

Managing multiple girlfriends!

There are products in this world that make you think: "How could we ever have survived without them?".
There is a new software that finally eases the problems of many men: instantly, easily and for just 20 Dollars a month... You're finally able to manage life with their multiple girlfriends.

What? You only have one girlfriend? Well, don't worry there, the programme gives you chat-up lines and links to online sources of... well, women.
You don't have a girlfriend at all? You think that's your fault? Don't despair! The programme will turn you from a "turbo geek to [a] sex machine" as customer Ben from Omaha, Nebraska lets us know.
You're gay? Also no problem for the software. As the trustworthy FAQs promise: "You might have to toss away some of the pickup lines, but other than that – you’re good to go."

I'm sure you can't wait to hear the name of the tool that will solve all of your problems in an instant... (Did I tantalise you enough now?)... It's Girlfriend X, the Hi-Tech Dating Software for Men.
The congenial tagline describes the product as follows: "GirlFriend X is your automated love life manger, taking care of the tedious side of having relationships with women so you can spend more time enjoying them!". (Please mind that women is to be taken literally!)
Not just that, the producers promise that " GirlFriend X manages your love life from “Hi” to “It’s been great”."

Wow, that's just amazing!!!
You want to know how exactly a simple programme can achieve that?
Let me list the most important functions for you, so you can be sure about the high standards and multiple functions the software is accomplishing.

Let's say, you are an ordinary bloke, having your usual... erm... let's not go over the top with that... so well... maybe FIVE girlfriends, trying to make plans for your weekend. Do you already sense the stress and hectic it means to set up all the different dates? In different places? Making sure your girls won't eventually meet? Trying to remember the favourite food of girlfriend number 1 and the deadly allergy of girlfriend number 5? Or worse, their names?
Oh guys, I can even hardly imagine the terror you must be going through during such a night!

Luckily, Girlfriend X helps you out here with its terrific functions:
  1. The software comes with the probably most essential helper: a calendar function that helps you remember who to date when, anniversaries, birthdays and so on. So far so good.
  2. You can manage your girlfriends by doing little setcards with their names, pictures (Some people are just bad with faces... I can totally understand that!), addresses and ah, interesting: categories (What was she again? My Girlfriend, Lover, One-Night-Stand, Wife? Always good to keep track with that!). Very handy also: The score card. (You don't want to call the girl you had BAD sex with by mistake... you better score them with Girlfriend X.) Phew, now you can alreay distinguish girlfriend 1 to 5... yippie! More functions, please!
  3. Well of course, time doesn't allow you to waste precious moments actually thinking about individual presents for your beloved (Or similar, just look up the categories again.). The programme comes with auto-poems that you can send by mail. E-Flowers and even naughty mails are provided, too. You're going to be late for dinner (We know how hard you're working on the project with your collegue!)? Don't worry, send a pre-written excuse text, she'll understand!
  4. "Hold on!" you'll think, presents? How am I going to keep track on whom I bought what, and is she even really worth the effort? Haha, don't think Girlfriend X doesn't have the solution to your little problem there: Not only can you enter the amount of money spent on your date, you an also enter sexual encounters (No Sex, Hand Job, Oral Sex, Sex, Anal Sex, Threesomes) in your little DateLog, not just to keep the overview, but most importantly to show you if she's actually worth the money.

I won't forget to mention the GFX Wingman, a sub-programme made for your PDA, so Girlfriend X will always be on your side hooking you up with the best compliments, lines and jokes to seduce the girl of your dreams. How romantic!

As you can see, Girlfriend X convinced me over and over.

I just want to know: Why don't we have such a handy helper? Where's my Boyfriend X? Do you really think we don't have problems remembering names and birthdays? Shouldn't we have a rating system, too (Providing extended choices of course, options for stamina, creativity and...erm... bonuses)?

One question is left, though... Thanks to all the functions, options, management... do you still have time for five girlfriends? Could it be that Girlfriend X is really creating (E)X-Girlfriends?

Have a looong hard think about it (especially how to use your credit card to buy the software without your wife noticing),

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Wanna have your balls removed?

Found this on the net today:
Best Funny Pics: ...Your Balls Removed


Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I want REAL men!

Hey there,

I'm sure you know this whole Metrosexuality-thing going on in the world since Beckham came up with his weird looks a few years ago.
It's the whole "Don't-be-afraid-to-show-you're-female-side"-thing (Don't get me wrong: I don't mind guys showing their feelings, I just mind them wearing tiaras!).

This morning I had an encounter with an exemplar of this rare species in the bus...
There was this male guy - we're speaking of no plucked eyebrows, no make-up, no sparkling clothes or anything like that - a real man so to say, no girlfriend in sight (she could have been an excuse for what you're about to see), him, male and self-secure wearing... well... THIS:

Don't get me wrong... I like the the bag, it's really cute and stuff, but I would rather consider having it for myself than for my boyfriend...

Once again: A man was wearing this. not a woman, not a girl, a carrier of the Y-chromosome: an actual real man (from what I could see).

My question: WHY??? Why world, why did you do this to me?!?!?!

I want men with hair on their chest, no eyeshadow or lipstick (It's hard enough for one to take care of buying the kissproof one!) , no weird hair-experiments (latest metrosexual fashion victim see below) and other potentially silly stuff like that that for some reason the media (and more and more guys) think is "cool"...

Please, all you guys out there: No decent woman will think you're hot when you're looking that ridiculous!
There is only one woman in the world fancying this: Posh Spice, and she IS married already.
(Also, it's obvious why she needs her husband to look female: She's so skinny that she lost all her female features, so she feels better if there's at least somebody at home looking like a woman.)

Women (and probably even 98% of the gay population - correct me when I'm wrong) want men to look like men. (Well, to be fair, they are allowed to smell nicer then oxen... but does that make them female? =)

All I'm trying to say with my little desperate exclamation here is "MEN ALL OVER THE WORLD - UNITE TO BE MALE AGAIN!". Screw everyone who's trying to sell you male make-up and mini skirts and glittering collars or whatever... Stop them!
(And especially for Tobi, let me add the following: Follow the rule 'Mann gegen Mann'!)

Poor guys, you're confused now? Don't know how to achieve that? Which direction to go? What to look like? Don't know what this strange woman is asking you to do?
I'm not evil, and I won't let you try to do your make-over without an instruction... THIS is definitely the right way to go for you:

Any questions?
Just talk to my boyfriend... Mhuahahahahaaaa! (Dr. Evil-Laughter)

Hoping for more manhood in the world,

Monday, February 20, 2006

Back from my safe place...

There I am, thrown back to my allday life again after spending two wonderful days in the city of my dreams.

I'm not trying to sound mean and awful, but it's horrible being back. (I'm sure that came out the wrong way... =)
Two days to wander around the streets I've been to with Gregor three weeks ago just took my brain off all the thoughts it had to deal with over the last months, even a bit from feeling alone (ironically - I've been there by myself).

My safe place (told you about it earlier) helped a lot:

But now I'm back, still trying to fight reality... being defeated... more and more every day...
Until, in three and a half weeks, my knight is coming to save me. =)

Au revoir Paris, ne m'oublie pas!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Paris... again?!

Hey out there,

I'm thinking of spending another weekend (2 days) in Paris.
Just to relax, just to get out of here, just to see something different.
And also, because I love it there! =)

Well, I just booked my hostel, so the thinking got serious!

Bye bye Germany, here I come sweet Paris, (but first: bed, here I come!)

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Oh, and that's my true colour!

Just to add this, I took another test (Tickle again), and here's the result that shows you my true colour:

"Your true colour is green!

You're green, the colour of growth and vigour. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth colour in the spectrum -- reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your colour!"

Grün grün grün sind alle meine Kleider...

Good night,

That's my Flavour!

Just did the test on Tickle and guess what:

"Hmm, you taste of Cinnamon!

Mmm ... cinnamon! Fiery and intoxicating, you add a spicy flavour to a wide variety of dishes from apple pies to pork chops. They don't call you red-hot for nothing! You're passionate and creative, an impulsive person who puts your heart and soul into everything you do. You definitely know how to have fun -- in fact, your adventurous, spontaneous tendencies might even be called explosive. And you're not afraid to speak your mind, either; your hot-blooded nature won't stand for secrecy or repression. You're all about going with your gut feelings, expressing yourself, and living in the now. Exhilarating and intense, you're a truly tasty treat."

Sounds about right, fellas! =)

Sweet dreams,

-> via Vird's weird World

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Impressive Pictures

Native Eye has some of the most brilliant picture artworks I have ever seen!

I want a DigiCam!!! =(

Good night,

Friday, February 10, 2006

Lovely DS Lite

Hello world,

I'm in love again!!!
I found out today that Nintendo re-designed the Nintendo DS handheld, and transformed it into a lighter, smaller, cuter and more stylish version of the old one.

It's avalable in three colours, all of them gorgeous.
Revolution Report made a comparison of new and old DS, the difference is enormous!
I always liked the concept of the touchscreen, but in my opinion the handheld look awful and was far too big and clunky. Now they made this nice little thing in Apple-Design, and all I can think of is how to make money to call it my own.

If I'll have some dough left over, I'll ask Akiko to bring me one from Japan (she'll be there in April).

Your donations are welcome!!! =)

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Paris Pics

Hey guys and girls,

since my mobile is broken (a long and painful story for both of us - my mobile and me), I can't include my pics here. =(
Gregor already downloaded his photos, so I can at least show you some of them (They're much cooler than mine anyway!)

Here we are in front of Notre Dame (that's the partial building behind the Smilies =)

This is my favourite place in the world - in front of St. Eustache...

My favourite man in the world sharing secrets with my favourite statue...

Gregor in front of the Louvre pyramid.

Well, I wasn't allowed to take pictures with the REAL one... Pas des photos, pas des photos!!! (I Euro for everytime we heard that! =)

Uh, did I mention that I LOVE Arcades? Why don't we have them in Germany???

So much for first pictures of Paris (Aren't we cuuuute? I love us!)... I'll go home now and reminisce (all alone... =( )

A wonderful day to all of you,

Comic Blog

Heyyy, that's a cool comic blog:

Not that I could understand it, but still... VERY COOL!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Penetrative Seminar

Hey there,

wow - things you learn from seminars are... wow!
Just had my seminar on "Content Management Systems", and guess what was the topic for today: BLOGS!!!

Wohoo, I thought, there's something I like! Great!
So I put away the book that I brought in case it might not be interesting (erm, I never did some private stuff in a lecture before, seriously, never!!! *keepingfingerscrossed*), and guess what was the conclusion?

"Blogger is the second best platform to publish posts (sounds good so far) for desperate, depressive and lonesome people (mostly girls) who basically talk about nothing. They're designing blogs with lurid colours."

Hello?!?!?! I soooo object to that! *protestprotest*

I mean, I am a girl (Even if people keep telling me that I'm not as female as other girls, thanks again! Punch you later!) - ok for that. And well, yeah, maybe I'm a tiny bit lonesome, and maybe I'm using lurid colours (but nice ones, eh?), but is that a reason to be sooo mean?! *cryingoutdesperately*

Whoops, damn it, guess he's right. =)
(But I'm not talking about nothing! Just something... and maybe anything... but most certainly not nothing!)

Oh, sweet university, tell me more about life! (I didn't mention my last lecture being told about women becoming reasonable for the first time AFTER the age of 35, torturing their men... did I? Oh, all you women's libbers out there, shut up! It was a woman teaching it to us!)

Studying haaaard,