Friday, February 24, 2006

Managing multiple girlfriends!

There are products in this world that make you think: "How could we ever have survived without them?".
There is a new software that finally eases the problems of many men: instantly, easily and for just 20 Dollars a month... You're finally able to manage life with their multiple girlfriends.

What? You only have one girlfriend? Well, don't worry there, the programme gives you chat-up lines and links to online sources of... well, women.
You don't have a girlfriend at all? You think that's your fault? Don't despair! The programme will turn you from a "turbo geek to [a] sex machine" as customer Ben from Omaha, Nebraska lets us know.
You're gay? Also no problem for the software. As the trustworthy FAQs promise: "You might have to toss away some of the pickup lines, but other than that – you’re good to go."

I'm sure you can't wait to hear the name of the tool that will solve all of your problems in an instant... (Did I tantalise you enough now?)... It's Girlfriend X, the Hi-Tech Dating Software for Men.
The congenial tagline describes the product as follows: "GirlFriend X is your automated love life manger, taking care of the tedious side of having relationships with women so you can spend more time enjoying them!". (Please mind that women is to be taken literally!)
Not just that, the producers promise that " GirlFriend X manages your love life from “Hi” to “It’s been great”."

Wow, that's just amazing!!!
You want to know how exactly a simple programme can achieve that?
Let me list the most important functions for you, so you can be sure about the high standards and multiple functions the software is accomplishing.

Let's say, you are an ordinary bloke, having your usual... erm... let's not go over the top with that... so well... maybe FIVE girlfriends, trying to make plans for your weekend. Do you already sense the stress and hectic it means to set up all the different dates? In different places? Making sure your girls won't eventually meet? Trying to remember the favourite food of girlfriend number 1 and the deadly allergy of girlfriend number 5? Or worse, their names?
Oh guys, I can even hardly imagine the terror you must be going through during such a night!

Luckily, Girlfriend X helps you out here with its terrific functions:
  1. The software comes with the probably most essential helper: a calendar function that helps you remember who to date when, anniversaries, birthdays and so on. So far so good.
  2. You can manage your girlfriends by doing little setcards with their names, pictures (Some people are just bad with faces... I can totally understand that!), addresses and ah, interesting: categories (What was she again? My Girlfriend, Lover, One-Night-Stand, Wife? Always good to keep track with that!). Very handy also: The score card. (You don't want to call the girl you had BAD sex with by mistake... you better score them with Girlfriend X.) Phew, now you can alreay distinguish girlfriend 1 to 5... yippie! More functions, please!
  3. Well of course, time doesn't allow you to waste precious moments actually thinking about individual presents for your beloved (Or similar, just look up the categories again.). The programme comes with auto-poems that you can send by mail. E-Flowers and even naughty mails are provided, too. You're going to be late for dinner (We know how hard you're working on the project with your collegue!)? Don't worry, send a pre-written excuse text, she'll understand!
  4. "Hold on!" you'll think, presents? How am I going to keep track on whom I bought what, and is she even really worth the effort? Haha, don't think Girlfriend X doesn't have the solution to your little problem there: Not only can you enter the amount of money spent on your date, you an also enter sexual encounters (No Sex, Hand Job, Oral Sex, Sex, Anal Sex, Threesomes) in your little DateLog, not just to keep the overview, but most importantly to show you if she's actually worth the money.

I won't forget to mention the GFX Wingman, a sub-programme made for your PDA, so Girlfriend X will always be on your side hooking you up with the best compliments, lines and jokes to seduce the girl of your dreams. How romantic!

As you can see, Girlfriend X convinced me over and over.

I just want to know: Why don't we have such a handy helper? Where's my Boyfriend X? Do you really think we don't have problems remembering names and birthdays? Shouldn't we have a rating system, too (Providing extended choices of course, options for stamina, creativity and...erm... bonuses)?

One question is left, though... Thanks to all the functions, options, management... do you still have time for five girlfriends? Could it be that Girlfriend X is really creating (E)X-Girlfriends?

Have a looong hard think about it (especially how to use your credit card to buy the software without your wife noticing),


Post a Comment

<< Home